day tripper

Well, I'm not going to lie, this needs some work. First thing, in the first paragraphy, who's we ? You had some grammer and puncuation mistakes. Some more detial and ...

This whole story is too good. Some people who said "But why isn't she freaking out?!" Well, the way I look at it is that, maybe she's just different. Doesn't ...

Yeah, see, now I seriously am diggin' this!(: It makes me crave more. See, if you keep a relationship between a boy and girl low, the more the reader wants ...

Well, I like it. But I have a few concerns. Didn't they kind of rush? Shouldn't there have been a little more detail, explanation, and bonding between the two before ...

Okay so I see about 8 things here to fix(: But I'm about to run out the door for lacrosse practice so I'll get back to that later. I really ...

I've read over your piece and over the other reviews and I must agree with them all, they took everything I needed to say. This does need some work. For ...

Holaa! I really liked this. It's concept, details, and the traditional smart girl tutors doofus boy. Love it(: There were a few things I caught though; Hey guys! A STORY!! ...

AH! Okay so like I said, I would comment when I was done. I have a LOT of favorite stories, and for me to claim something as a top, it's ...

Wow, with just a little work this could be really good! Your sentences should be a little shorter, and a little more explanation could be good. I kind of got ...